Friday, 28 April 2017

Coming Home day

Except we are already home!!

Another load of laundry done, dried on the line, sunny and blue sky. One more load to go tomorrow and all will be 'washed up'.

Step sons birthday today, my DD2's birthday in 12 days, they will both be 49, times flies.

Shopping, lunch at Sainsbugs, compost from Morrison and the car filled up with fuel.

Now, opinions please......my grand daughter is getting married in October, the invite came this week, a bit early, but still. They have asked for money not presents........I am not too happy about this, I was going to give them money anyway, but it seems a bit cheeky to me, what do you think? Maybe I am old fashioned, but to me a wedding is the time to ask for things that will be used in a future home, not money which can be squandered away on nothing. They do not have a home they are living with my daughter, no sign of anything, they cannot afford to buy, so council has been approached. GD knows that new houses are going to be built close to her mothers, she told me some time ago she wants a new house, not a 'grotty one someone else has lived in'. I also know from experience that there will be no thank you for what ever we give them. You will remember we went to see the baby a few weeks ago, GD did not even speak to us until I spoke to her. The baby quilt was never acknowledged either.

I was brought up to say thank you for things and I brought my children up the same way, it seems now that good manners have gone out of the window and its taken as a right to be given things. Just my opinion....fwiw..............

We enjoyed our fish and chips, cooked to order and a decent plate full, apart from making a sandwich at supper time thats it for today.

12 comments:

  1. Tough question. I have a GD graduating college next week. Still no notice or invitation. She lives 2000 miles away in CA. I don't plan on sending anything as she never says thank you. At least you got an invitation and she mentioned what she wanted. I would send the money but not as much as she might be expecting!

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  2. As in the past I think there are always families/children who never say thank you. My grandsons thank me by letter for gifts but the same generation of great nieces and nephews never do. In fact I have stopped sending things to them. If their mother can't even pm me two words on Facebook then I'm certainly not going to spend hours knitting for them.
    I'm not sure that I would bother going to the wedding except it would probably upset your daughter. I don't like giving money either but what about a gift token?
    When we were married 45 years ago we were thankful to be able to put a deposit on a flat and it really was a "grotty one that someone else had lived in".
    Love reading your blog everyday and am sorry to hear about your troublesome follower. Can you not ban her by her IP address?
    Helen in France

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  3. How about doing a gift card. In Canada they are an acceptable gift. Also, in Canada the couples always want money. Usually it is used for either to help pay for the wedding or to put away for a future house purchase. Standard amount is what you estimate the cost of your dinner (if they have one) doubled. So if I estimate the dinner costs $25.00 per plate then I give $50.00. It is hard now a days. Very few couples send thank you notes.

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  4. Am glad the weather is drying your laundry and it's a delightful sunny day outside! Same here, but we had an incredible thunderstorm come thru at about 1a with thunder so loud several times that the house shook and the lightening was bright as daytime. The cats took refuge under furniture.

    Alas, I agree that good manners in saying thank you seem to have gone by the wayside. One son always says thank you, the other son doesn't despite the many notes I had him write while he was growing up. This also means that I don't know which gifts he and his intended like or didn't like.

    Is the situation with your DGD disturbing enough that you need to talk with her mother to see what's going on? As for the wedding, I'd go with the gift card and let your DGD choose what to use if for. You'll have done the right thing and she may still ignore doing the right thing as the recipient. Don't you give it another thought. The bad manners are hers.

    Hugs!

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  5. First of all I am sooooo pleased you are blogging again.
    You will probably still get horrible comments but treat them with the contempt they deserve and carry on in spite of her.
    The umpteen thousand other followers appreciate your words.
    You do not have to explain anything to anyone anyway.
    I think most people have an idea what DB can be like and agree with you.
    In my experience wedding presents nowadays are usually money but deciding on what amount is difficult. I would send her what you can comfortably afford, its sounds like what every you do there will be no thanks anyway.
    If I have spoken out of turn I apologies.
    Su

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  6. I too am glad to see you blogging again :)

    Personally, I would go ahead and give your GD the amount of money you had already planned to give to her. You're right in that the money will probably be squandered but you guys have your own lives to live and so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just gift what you can afford to gift and let them get on with it LOL As her grandmother, I'm sure you wanted to make it a little more special for your GD BUT if she hasn't even bothered to thank you for the baby's play mat, I wouldn't go overboard.

    The last wedding I went to, I gifted small kitchen appliances from the registry and was then taken aback when someone planted a lacey ribbony 'money bag' on the bride's arm and then had her waltz her way around the room asking guests for cash!!! I gave up my last $20.

    Here's a thought .... if you are comfortable with the idea, perhaps you could suggest your GD join her favorite store's bridal registry? She can indicate what she'd like to receive. That could be a win-win ......

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  7. I'm kind of stuck in the middle. I don't mind giving money *keeps me from trolling the stores looking for things they will probably return anyway for the money* if they have or are wanting money for something bigger than I can afford or if they are saving. Lots of if, ands or buts for sure. I always appreciate a Thank You but never expect it. Some of todays kiddo's just weren't raised as we were or just don't think of saying Thank You.

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  8. I would give a small cash gift with a card. Do not expect a thank you (sad to say) but nothing requires you provide future presents. I just sent a quilt to a nice young friend getting married for the first time and she has already sent me an email thanking me and also to let me know she got the package. I was thankful I did not have to worry about it. Ana USA

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  9. This may seem a bit nasty, but I have started putting a self-addressed, stamped envelope with the card when I give money. Usually, I use a pretty, blank notecard and attach a memo that I would like them to drop the notecard in the mail, so I know they received it. I have to say that most times I do get a response...and they usually tell what the money is being used for...just a thought!

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  10. Yes, as others have suggested, send the money you planned to send, with a card. Sadly, it's a case of upbringing. If a child isn't encouraged to write thank you notes upon receiving presents, they never think this is necessary - it possibly doesn't even cross their minds - nor even to say 'thank you' if someone does them a favour, opening a door, passing them the salt, etc. It's a case of upbringing, so don't always blame the young woman but her parents or even grandparents, because the older couple would have taught - or not taught - this girls parents how to behave. Perhaps you could, tongue in cheek, buy her a book on modern etiquette and pop that in with the money, ha ha! Only joking, but bad manners upset me, too. It's sometimes best to lead by example, you could mention to the young woman that you sent someone a lovely present and they were so delighted they wrote back thanking you straight away! Then you could add how nice it is when people do that, you feel appreciated, that a gift, no matter how small, is appreciated. As I say, lead by example. Kathie's idea, about enclosing a self-addressed, stamped envelope with the card is also a very good idea.
    Have a lovely Bank Holiday weekend,
    Margaret P

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    Replies
    1. Margaret
      Anne was discussing her Granddaughter here so to say that it's a case of upbringing and down to the parents (Anne's daughter) or even Grandparents (Anne, herself) is really quite a rude and tactless comment to make.
      Perhaps you should read your own comments back and give them some thought before you press 'publish' in future
      Trudie

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  11. Hi Anne
    I think money is what young people expect nowadays - with so many couples living together they already have what they need before they walk down the aisle - we're at a wedding tomorrow and the couple haven't asked for anything but have been living together for the last 5 years so they don't need anything for their home - they're off to America for their honeymoon in September (best deal they could get) so I've just put cash in the envelope for them to spend then.
    I don't agree with Margaret with regard to 'manners' being down to the parents or grandparents and the upbringing that they've given children - we all bring our children up the same, teach them and love them the same, but they all turn out different and where one will always say thank you, another may take what's given for granted but they may not let you down in other ways. Swings and roundabouts isn't it xx

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